The Giver places straps along the body of the Receiver, gently restricting movement. This can be done in many ways—sometimes with the arms free, sometimes not. The restraint should be firm enough to keep the Receiver engaged, but never so tight that it provokes panic. We move at the speed of trust. In most sessions, a blindfold and earmuffs are added to heighten internal focus.
Now what?
The Giver could simply sit nearby—attentive, quiet, and ready to release the Receiver when the experience feels complete. Even that alone can be profound.
But remember: this is a dance.
How do we dance?
The Giver’s role is to nonverbally evoke certain sensations and thoughts within the Receiver:
- “I am safe.”
- “My Giver is relaxed, patient, confident, and exquisitely attentive.”
- “My Giver is giving, not sneakily taking.”
- “I want to stay here for a long time.”
- “I’m curious about my feelings—even the uncomfortable ones.”
- “I am sleepy.”
These states are encouraged through subtle, intentional actions:
- Deep, broad pressure on specific areas of the body
- Gentle, steady traction on the feet, hands, or head
- Supportive stretching
- Still, Reiki-like hovering of the hands
- Shared breathing rhythm
- Aromatherapy or soothing scent cues
Over time, the Receiver may drift toward sleep.
Curiously, the most restless or skeptical participants are often the first to let go.
Between waking and sleep lies the hypnagogic state—a fertile threshold where creativity, memory, and emotion intertwine.
In rare cases, the Receiver may experience psychedelic-like effects: vivid imagery, resurfacing memories, or waves of energy and emotion. These moments call for deep care and presence.
Aftercare is essential. Once the straps are removed, the Receiver may request what they need to integrate the experience—blankets, water, a hug, or simple quiet. The goal is to honor whatever arose and to return gently to ordinary awareness, together.
Instill was developed by Adam Lamb, a sex and relationship coach with over a decade of experience guiding individuals and couples into deeper connection. His work has been shaped by an ongoing inquiry into the “minimum viable intervention”—the simplest practice that could create the greatest possible transformation in intimacy, trust, and nervous system regulation.
Adam’s study of shibari and BDSM contributed to the foundation of the practice, not in their erotic expression but in their emphasis on safety, consent, and structure. He discovered that light physical restraint, when paired with clear agreements, intentional touch, and exquisite aftercare, could invite participants into profound states of surrender and embodied presence. His exploration of masculinity and polarity further informed the design, highlighting how well-defined roles and boundaries can generate both safety and freedom within relationship dynamics.
Every detail of Instill reflects this decade of research. The specific straps chosen, the simple and accessible positions, the structured agreements, and the supportive aftercare protocols are all crafted for beginners—ensuring maximum impact with minimal risk. The result is a practice that feels both approachable and transformative, offering couples and individuals a direct path into embodied love and restorative connection.